Feeling Disconnected in Your Relationships? Start by Reconnecting with Yourself.

I work with adults who feel disconnected in their relationships, helping them navigate the anxiety, self doubt, grief, or shame that often surfaces when things feel off with the people they care about most. Much of my work centers around helping people build deeper, more authentic connections with others. But here’s the key: that process always begins with learning to connect more deeply with yourself.

So what does that actually mean?

Connecting with yourself is about getting curious about what’s really happening inside of you — your feelings, needs, fears, and wants — instead of pushing them aside or avoiding them (which many of us have learned to do). It’s becoming attuned to the subtle shifts in your body and emotions: the sudden lashing out or shutting down, the tightness in your chest, the quickened heartbeat, or that shallow breathing that sneaks up when you’re anxious or overwhelmed.

But it’s not just about noticing what’s happening in the moment; it’s also about understanding why.

So much of how we show up today is shaped by our past. The experiences that once taught us how to stay safe, how to be loved, and what to hide can still guide our reactions in ways we don’t always realize. When you start to understand your own psychology — your patterns, your defenses, your triggers — you begin to see how old stories might still be influencing how you relate to yourself and others now.

Connecting with yourself means honoring your history without being defined by it.

It’s gently exploring where your beliefs about love, safety, or worth came from, and allowing yourself to rewrite what no longer fits.

When you start to notice and understand what you’re feeling — and where those feelings come from — you gain the ability to communicate more clearly, set appropriate boundaries that actually protect your peace, and show up more honestly in your relationships.

It’s really hard to connect deeply with someone else if you’re disconnected from yourself. The more you know you — what you value, what you’re feeling, what you fear, what you need — the easier it becomes to be real with others, without all the avoiding, pretending, or resentment that can build when you don’t feel fully seen.

Because the truth is, whatever’s going on inside of us tends to show up in the way we relate to others — especially the people we love most.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected in your relationships, start with you. Slow down. Listen to what’s happening inside. Get curious about what you need, and where it comes from.

That’s where real connection begins.