Understanding shame

Shame involves negatively judging yourself when you believe you’ve failed to live up to your own standards or the standards of others.

• Do you ever worry about what others think of you so much that it holds you back from new experiences?

• Do you often feel rejected, regretful, inadequate, or like you have little impact?

• Have you avoided sharing your true thoughts or feelings because you are afraid to be embarrassed or rejected?

• Do you often think you have to  “have it all together” or “get things right” to feel acceptable to others?

• You may have a tendency to control outcomes or people-please to feel safe.

These are just a few symptoms of shame.

Shame is a sneaky emotion. It is so embedded into who we believe we are that we often cannot see our own shame. It isn’t about doing something wrong. It is about a feeling that you have when you perceive that you are not good enough in some way.

Shame serves to keep us small, hidden, and isolated from others. It makes us feel like we are flawed or there is something wrong with us and it can even cause us to become defensive and shame others in return. It prompts us to hide the parts of ourselves that feel unacceptable. It blocks authenticity and intimacy and prevents us from experiencing the very thing that can set us free: authentic connection.

If this feels painfully familiar, I can help you explore your feelings and develop the self-compassion necessary for a healthy relationship with yourself and others.